Jay's Journey Back

My Forever Place Online

Hello World Remember Me?

August2

When I started this project in the Spring of 2011 I thought I’d use it as a weight loss journal. I had no idea that life would happen as I was making plans. Funny, how that seems to happen more often than not. So, here I am at it again – not looking for anyone to cure me, not pointing fingers at anyone, not going to make another excuse for where I am today. I am responsible for my life. I made all the choices that have gotten me to this point. I like to think that all my wrong turns have led me to the right place.

Little by little I have come to realize that as much as I have molded myself into who I am today that I have also allowed my surroundings and situations win out more times than not. If I hit a hurdle, instead of jumping over it, I let it control my next move and those choices have all come with consequences both good and bad. There were times I blocked my own happiness simply because I didn’t feel I was worth it. But it has taken me all of the last 10 years to break down the walls of self doubt – I am worth it. I deserve the happiness I want to experience.

I have been surrounded by countless friends and selfless family all of my life. Some might say I am the life of the party – I never saw myself that way. I always felt as if I was just ‘there’  but I have realized that I was more than just ‘there’ for everyone I have ever met. I have made an impact on more souls and affected the daily lives of  the faces that have filled my life to this point. That includes those friends that I would be nothing without – those that I’ll never see again – and those that think less than kindly of me. I have come to understand I am more important than I ever imagined. Some people call it being humble but in all honesty in my case – it was anything but. I just had never thought of myself as that big a deal. I was me, Jay, and what you see is what you get. ALWAYS!

I have been known to wear my heart on my sleeve. I think it helps me pick at the scars that have been left behind and allows me to remember just how precious a heart can be. Seems I spent so many years chasing love only to find it and stand and stare at its door. In the past year I have loved and lived more than I had in the previous 5 years. I also have hurt more than I thought was capable. Even after my divorce I didn’t have the depth of pain I felt when a true love is torn from your life because of no fault of each other.  It may not have turned out the way I’d of hoped but again I feel that the roads lead us to where we are supposed to be.

Just always remember sometimes you have to lose to win – give up up all you hope for and allow it to come back to you – then its truly yours

There is no time like the present. I am going to make each day the best I can..every day I can….”…..free to face the life that’s ahead of me”

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posted under Personal Thoughts

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Writer Jay Long

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