Jay's Journey Back

My Forever Place Online

Love is a precious gift that everyone deserves

March14

If you’re like me, you have, at one point or another, been on the losing end of a relationship. Whether that be, friendship, marriage, long-term commitment, friends-with-benefits or any combination of them all. We immediately go through the course of emotions – panic, self-doubt, hurt, emptiness, sadness and rejection. You may even feel a little bit of anger, which comes from self-preservation.

Rejection may be one of the hardest things we have to experience. Because at the root of it all, it is someone telling you, “You’re not good enough.” That may not be the actual reasoning at all, but it’s what you hear and feel. What’s even worse is when that rejection comes without warning. It’s the things sleepless nights and unproductive days are made of.

I live my life with hope and passion. Last I checked no one has ever returned to say just what the other side holds in store for us. Has it caused scars? Yes! Some would say that’s because I wear my heart on my sleeve and as I grew older, I didn’t allow my own insecurities to stand in the way of letting someone know how I felt. I speak from the heart and have suffered a broken heart more than once. For a short period, after each one, I lost touch with who I was because of it.  I found myself second guessing who I was, my worthiness and just what my purpose was along this journey.

Opening yourself up to another person, takes more than just words. It takes courage and trust, especially if you do have scars to prove just how many times that same action has left you feeling helpless in the past. We tend to build walls up after each failed attempt. We swear off romance. Make excuses. Talk ourselves into believing we will be OK on our own. Saying things like – “I don’t need anyone” or “I guess it wasn’t meant to be”. When in reality those thoughts are the furthest from the truth. You are thinking, “I need (insert name) with me”, “What if?” or “Why?”

Love can be the most precious and most vulnerable thing you will ever experience. You are, in reality, asking someone to accept you just as you are. Filled with emotion, covered by imperfections and riddled with insecurities, carrying the baggage of your past. You open your heart and mind to that person, and when that door is slammed shut, you feel as if your world has crumbled. But on the opposite side of that, finding someone that loves you as deeply as you love them, there is no greater high.

We really have no control over anyone else’s choices. In my own current experience, I have no control over the circumstances surrounding the situation. Do I think I am the only one? No. I think the other person involved probably feels the same. Or at least I hope that’s the case. Nothing to say that the right paths crossing at the wrong time, can’t reroute themselves and cross once again.

Just like life, love is a fragile beast. Four little letters, one small word but when it’s right, it’s magic. Things have a funny way of righting themselves. If it’s written in the stars – the time, circumstances and situation will present itself.   Never doubt yourself or regret something that once made you smile.

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Being Alone Doesn’t Mean Lonely

February2

 


The best part of my marriage was the separation and divorce. I can say that because my marriage was lousy and being single feels so much better than being miserable. The one thing, or I should say the three things I miss, are my step children. All of which I still have very close ties to. In fact, my step son Michael chose to live with me when his Mom and I split. He is now in his fifth year of being a US Navy sailor, 3 years in Japan and currently stationed in California. But being around them daily was what kept me smiling through the days.

I honestly think I got married because it’s what everyone around me was doing. Within a two-year period my close friends and myself were all married. And as fate would have it, 80% of those marriages are now just faded memories. I don’t know if I am the marrying kind. Not that I don’t enjoy being in a relationship but I know I don’t need a piece of paper to keep me faithful or giving it all I can, even when the going gets tough. I have never just walked away from a long term relationship. Just like everything in life worth while it takes effort. It’s that effort that many simply don’t buy into. To them it’s much easier to walk away, cut ties and start anew. We live in an age of I Love You, I Love You, I Can’t Live Without You, I’m Never Going To Leave You, I Hate You, I Never Want To See You Again. NEXT!

My single status, is hopefully by choice. I like to think I have complete control over my day to day and that includes who I allow into my heart. Sure, there are times when I miss having a partner in crime to share my day with but I also don’t think so little of myself or feel the need to take anyone for granted just to save myself from being alone at the end of the day. And for the record, being alone doesn’t always mean lonely.

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Writer Jay Long

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